Self-reconciliation

Our mind is an anxious mind, what do you wish to proceed with all the time? What do you long to do all the time?

I wish if I could just make enough for myself sufficiently and head out. Because thoughts with time change, conclusions on which people used to settle now becomes a breeding ground for arguments. It takes time, for the poison to come out, that's how remarkable the mechanism is. Given enough time people spill poison, reality reveals itself and deep down the bearer is not really surprised.

But then emotions trap you, it fools even the most strongest of intellectuals. Emotions is something that defies logic. Emotions when overpower, is something that leaves you defenseless. Because the desire to bring a change is erased. You'll need a literal pause from the relentless complains to crawl out of the comfort zone you cocooned yourself in. 

———

On a freeway cutting through the air, constant drive, the road, gush of blood through the veins, the skies, the soothing ambience. Heading towards the town, all bright, bringing back the colorful good old memories. Absorb the vibes from the souls you haven't met an era since. Roaming through the gigantic trees, the clear road, speeding, making eye contacts with random, smiling in their faces, feeling as if a burden is taken away. Your sense of right and wrong, sense of definitions fade away, while all this is happening you become a receiver. In this state you stumble across you, the real you who's left the control way back before you even knew. It's tired of arguing, it's taken a different ground. Let this personality breathe. Let it help you escape from the anticipations, pre-occupations. Don't question, just take the hand and find yourself again. Unfortunately, all for a while but enjoy while it lasts..

———

The anger burns through my veins, coursing through the dark I find myself abruptly exposed to blistering heat of a very powerful light. It's the unknown pain, the undefined restlessness which is corroding my insides. Nerves have taken such an infliction that the support is on the verge of breaking apart. From where I stand, an infinite distance away from resolution, my baa goes screaching through nothingness. Tiresome has the whole effort become, resulting in vain I now put my intellect at rest, therefore I let spontaneity take hold of the moment. The water which I swiftly slid my hand through now makes a splintering sound as the imagination shatters down and I find myself treading through coarse rough sand with shards of glasses embedded in it. There's a comfort in this fire, an inspiration in this horrendous portrait of desperation. While the deafening percussion takes away my ability to process, I still can determine that I'm reaching toward the core. At every step that I penetrate closer, I'm enticed to drop out, the relief that awaits me if I let down the guard and crawl out of this decimating pressure is immense. The density to withdraw me into the retrospective surpasses every attempt of improvement. And so I come back to the place where I once began. 

Moving through the shadows, vivid images that are superimposed on my already preoccupied otherwise disturbed mind takes a toll. The void pulls me into the den of the unknown. Sepia clouds and burnt infertile lands surround me. I see a figure far away, set on fire while it gravely stares at me. Though i can listen it moan loudly in pain, the face remains shut. It's the reflection in its eyes that merges me with the ultimate truth, before time runs out and I inevitably become a part of that fire. 

                                        .

It feels as if I'm continuously under a radar detector, trying to look out for myself. When I expose myself to a certain activity, make it worthwhile, it feels as if I touched my true self close and I'm heading to a certain self-introspective direction. But then something out of the ordinary happens and I find myself heading away from the ground of intensity. And so I'm again on the same side of the wall, trying to climb the insurmountable.

Its a lot to absorb, the burden of guilt, kiss me with the upliftment now so I can filter out the filth. 

                                        .

I battle with my fears, my demons, my addictions alone so I enjoy every inch of achievement over them whenever possible and if that adds up to my self-centered characteristic.. I humbly embrace the feeling! 

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                                    \..../

I'm not sitting at the crown I'm supposed to.. I'm not possessing what I'm entitled to..

It'll take a push but it'll surely come one day, because it's defined that way, my way. 

And who do I set this let-down face infront of? Hear me now, bow down now, believe me today, thank me tomorrow..